Existence Cherished
I started tinkering with systems before I was 15, mostly because I was alone for much of my life. Like most people, my parents and family weren’t happy about me spending time on the internet. Fast forward to now, and they ask me how I manage to build the things I build. It feels strange when you grow up never being appreciated for what you do, and suddenly people start recognizing you and your work. I never learned a stack the “proper” way; I always just FAAFO (Fucked Around And Found Out). My first real “finding out” was building a Hackintosh system, which was a rare niche then and is even rarer now. It’s still one of my favorite hobbies, because there’s no roadmap or step-by-step guide you just figure things out for yourself and do what makes you happy, instead of chasing money, jobs, or retirement. After all, if you love what you do, why retire? Anyway, I properly started learning my stack around 11th grade. It took me a while to get used to, but eventually I began working on the biggest project of my life built from scratch, without anyone knowing, not even my parents or my college. Everyone only realized when it went sort of viral ( got featured in two magazines). I know it may not sound like much, but for me building everything on a second-hand 30k ThinkPad alone , it’s huge. The thing is, I spent so much of my life learning and researching for this project that, after almost finishing it, I couldn’t help but feel empty inside. I’m happy, but I don’t find fulfillment anymore, because most things don’t interest me unless they’re truly challenging. So I keep building things, breaking things, doubting myself, and figuring it all out again. Maybe that’s what it means to be human ig confused, restless, and always ready to learn , I know most of these things I yapped about don't link towards each other or make sense but I am just writing my heart out because I was judged by everyone around me when I was young and tinkered with stuff and broke them or spent to much time on the internet , there is a lot of good in the world and most people don't see it everyone if focused on the black dot in the white canvas but somehow I made it through or would like to believe I did .